peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
