and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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