why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
