he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
