Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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