I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
