Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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