I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
