Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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