Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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