Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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