She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
