He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
