This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
