he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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