so explain again why im purple
no
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
