I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
