My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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