I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
