just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
