I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
