I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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