Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
