I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
