i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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