1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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