2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The Olympian is in my bed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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