a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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