id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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