I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
