We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
