No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
