Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
