I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
