There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
