My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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