Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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