he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
