Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
