May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
