just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
