i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
