im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
