She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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