A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just had sex on a roof
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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