do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
