Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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