you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
