Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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