It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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