I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
