So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
