i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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