Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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