Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
