Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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