If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
