He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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