i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Help. Why am I so naked?
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