May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
